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Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

Draggin Boating

I went dragon boating yesterday.  Being on the water with 19 others in a boat race with splashing water was very organic and athletic.  I even learned dragon boat lingo like “bow” and “stern” and tricky ones like  “brace the boat” and  “let it run”  – the meanings of which I quickly forgot,  but at least I can talk the language when I hang out with seasoned dragon boaters.

Since we were all novices, we spent time practicing how to stroke in harmony to a 1-2-3-4 count, which was a lot of fun because we were moving very fast and splashing each other and laughing while learning numbers.  Unfortunately for me by the time race time I was exhausted (note to self, take it easy during the practice).

The race itself was fast, and yet seemed to last forever.  After what seemed like an eternity of strokes,  I looked up and saw that we were not even halfway to the finish line.  My arms were burning.  As I concentrated on the call of the stroke I had a flashback to the movie Ben Hur where the slaves in the bottom of the an ancient Roman warship were rowing like mad to the beat of a big drum.  During a battle the drummer yelled out:  “Attack Speed!” (fast!) then “Ramming Speed!” (really really fast!) – they frantically kept the pace, then fell over exhausted.

Sometime during the race our caller started counting backwards from 10, which to me indicated that when we got to zero we would be at the finish line.  Not so.  When we got to zero the count started at 10 again, and so it went until finally, yes finally we made it to the finish line.   I fell over exhausted….but was revived by the exhilaration of accomplishment and teamwork, and oh yes the smell of hamburgers cooking on the shoreline barbeques.

So what kind of weather is paddling our way this weekend?

Friday: Mostly cloudy in the a.m. with a gradual clearing by late afternoon.  Breezy all day.  Highs of 18 C.

Saturday: Mostly sunny with some thin cloud hazing things out.  Winds light with highs of 21 C.

Sunday: A thin cloud layer for most of the day, so expect a hazy sun.  Winds light with highs of 22 C.

This weekend, I’m slowing the count.

Weatherwit.

 

 

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Causal Relationship

I’ve taken a bit of a blog break (if anybody noticed) for the past few weeks.  Oddly enough my blog-cation has coincided with a stretch of cold and gloomy weather so I figure it is time to get back into the game – motivated perhaps by a bizarre hope that this will cause some sort of weather revolution.

Plus I’ve had a few requests to “please do something about this rain”.

OK, I’ll try.  But first a story about correlation and causation (terms scientists swoon over).

Years ago while driving with my 6-year-old son he pointed to a passing jogger and said: “Look dad, he is running fast…..and…he’s bald”.

A little while later we passed another jogger:  “Hey dad, he’s bald too”.

Based on a sample size of 2 he found a correlation between guys jogging and male pattern baldness, and thus concluded that:

jogging causes baldness      OR      baldness causes jogging

So all this to say that any connection between my return to blogging and an improvement in the weather – which will happen this weekend – is purely coincidental.  But maybe if it happens again (based a sample size of 2), I’ll rethink it.

By the way as a pre-ramble to the forecast, this weekend there will be sightings of the glowing orb in the sky called “the sun” (I almost forgot what to call it).

Friday: A mix of sun and cloud, then clearing by evening. Breezy with highs of 18 C.

Saturday: Mostly cloudy with occasional showers – gradually clearing in the evening. Winds light with highs of 16 C.

Sunday: Mostly sunny (yes sunny) with afternoon breezes. Highs of 20 C.

This weekend, I’m going jogging.

weatherwit

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The Gift that keeps on giving…..

The last couple of weeks have been “post-less” while life has caught up to me, but this week I could not miss the opportunity to say something about my mother.  Since this Sunday is Mother’s day I’ll share this deeply moving and profound verse that I wrote based on the poem of H. Johnson – it expresses my warmest feelings of gratitude for the sacrifices that she (and dad) made for our family.  Here it is:

 

“M” is for the MANY things you do for me.

 

“O” is for the OTHER things you do for me.

 

“T” is for the THOUSAND things you do for me.

 

“H” is for the HUNDRED things you do for me.

 

“E” is for EVERYTHING you do for me.

 

“R” is for the REST of the things that I hadn’t thought of before that should be included in this list but never did earlier so it’s an all-inclusive thing…….that you do for me.

 

Put them all together and they spell “MOTHER”.

 

When I read it to her,  it brought tears (of laughter) to her eyes.

So the recent wonderful weather has kept giving, and giving and giving – will it continue through the weekend in the spirit of Mother’s Day?   Here are the details.

Friday: Thin cloud with a hazy sun through the day.  Winds light with highs of 22 C.

Saturday: Thin cloud in the a.m. then thickening through the afternoon.  Rain arriving in the evening and continuing through the night.  Winds light with highs of 21 C.

Sunday: Mostly cloudy with occasional showers, then lightening up by the evening.  Winds light with highs of 20 C.

This weekend, be the Gift that keeps on giving.

weatherwit.

 

 

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The Life of Pie

It has been years since I made a pie, so a few days ago I thought I would try my hand at baking one just to see whether I still had the knack.  Although it turned out OK, the process was a bit of an adventure so I made the following list of do’s and don’ts just to make life easier should there be a next time I do this:

  • Don’t make a pie while watching the final game of the US College Basketball playoffs.
  • Don’t start unless you have all your tools
  • Don’t use a spatula to flatten the dough in place of a rolling-pin
  • Don’t wear a fuzzy sweater while making pastry
  • Do make sure you have all your ingredients before starting
  • Do check your face and hair after doing anything with flour, especially if you are running out to buy more flour.
  • Do let the pie cool before tasting it

With that, here is what is baking in the meteorological oven for this weekend’s weather.
Friday: Cloudy then expect rain and breezes starting in the early afternoon with the arrival of a front, but things will calm down by the evening.  Highs of 9 C.

Saturday: Cloudy with a few sunny breaks. Intermittent rain through the day until evening. Highs of 11 C and a windy afternoon.

Sunday: A mix of sun and cloud with scattered showers through the day.  Highs of 11 C with breezy afternoon periods.

This weekend, I’m cooking up a storm.

s.

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The Luck of the Irish

This Sunday is St. Patrick’s Day so I really should wear green.  My friend V. reminded me that there are things around the house that are Irish (like Pati O’Furniture) and when I walk with bare feet on hot pavement I break into an Asian version of Michael Flatley doing the Riverdance (but with more frenetic arm motions).  So I suppose everything and everybody is related to the Irish in a six degrees of separation kind of thing – which is good.   Even the US President must be part Irish with a name like O’Bama.

Well enough of this blarney, let’s get on to the forecast.  The start of the week had a Pineapple Express bringing moisture and warmth to these parts, but will switch to an unsettled, two-step zonal flow through the weekend. Here are the details.

Friday: Grey O’Vercast with scattered showers late in the afternoon. Expect breezes off and on through the day. Highs of 12 C.

Saturday: Scattered sprinkles in the morning. Mostly cloudy although expect the sun to break through in the afternoon. Expect a breezy afternoon with highs of 10 C.

Sunday: Afternoon sprinkles with a mix of sun and cloud. Breezy periods through the day with highs of 10 C.

This weekend, time to be green.

Weatherwit

 

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If the Shoe Fits….

When I shop for shoes sometimes I feel like my feet and shoes are on different planets. It takes forever to find a pair that fit and look good, so the whole shopping experience takes longer than buying a house.

“Do you have the left one in size 8 and 7/8ths?”

Then I have to wade through the shoe terminology.  One time while trying to buy running shoes the salesperson asked:

“Do your feet supinate or pronate?”

Not wanting to let on that I don’t speak fluent in Shoe-glish, I reply with something smart and witty:

“What?”

Now I found out that these terms refer to the way the foot rolls after landing, however I initially thought they refer to a gymnastics routine. You know, like: “He will attempt a triple flip with a ¾ twist and hyper-pronate to a pike position”.  So I paused for a moment, looked down at my feet and said to myself: “ Are you two capable of doing such a thing?”

Well what weather will walk our way this weekend?   You will need different types of  footwear, as a cold front will arrive Saturday afternoon with rain and puddles but the upside will be a sunny Sunday.  Here are the details. (Updated Saturday noonish)

Friday: Morning sprinkles, then just cloudy with light winds. Highs of around 13 C.

Saturday: Morning sprinkles (again!) running up to rain in the afternoon. Ending and clearing by evening. Winds sometimes breezy with highs of 11 C.

 Sunday: Expect a mostly sunny day, with breezes through the day.  Highs of 10 C.

As a Footnote: After trying on dozens of shoes I recently found the perfect pair. Unfortunately within two weeks the sole crumbled apart and now they make noises like a flock of geese when I walk.  I’m still searching for an 8 and 7/8ths.

weatherwit

s.

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As You Wish.

Since today is Valentine’s Day, the weekend forecast has excerpts from the movie The Princess Bride: Meteorologists Version. If you haven’t seen this movie about love and adventure (you must btw) you won’t know the classic lines, so this post will be utter nonsense. Even if you know them all,  it will still be utter nonsense. I blame it on the iocane powder (trying to build up my immunity you know) .

I  produce these forecasts on Thursday nights, and sometimes I am squeezed for time. If you rush a forecaster, you get rotten forecasts.  But don’t fall victim to one of the classic forecast blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against a Meteorologist when accuracy is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…(thunk).

But really, I do this because I have a passion for Meteorwology….. Meteorwology is wot bwings us togeder tooday…… Meteorwology, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…

Yes I admit it, I am the Dread Prognosticator Roberts, so here is what to expect this weekend.

Friday: A ridge from Guilder will bring us pleasant conditions with a mix of sun and cloud and light winds. A high of 10 C. Yep. Inconceivable.

Saturday: The cold front will arrive from Florin in the early morning bringing with it some rain. What about the R.O.U.S’s (Raindrops of Unusual Size?). So let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Rain will be off and on through the morning but will end around noon. Expect some afternoon sunny periods and breezes. A high of 9 C.

Sunday: Cooler, with breezy conditions and a high of 7 C. Expect a cloudy sky.  But it just so happens that your sky here is only MOSTLY cloudy. There’s a big difference between MOSTLY cloudy and ALL cloudy. Mostly cloudy is slightly sunny. With all cloudy, well, with all cloudy there’s usually only one thing you can do. End this forecast.

So there it is.  Since the invention of the forecast, there have been five forecasts rated the most accurate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.

The end.

 

 

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Punxsutawney Phil’s Special Day

There are two momentous days in February: Groundhog Day and Valentines Day. Please don’t get the two mixed up.  This Saturday is Groundhog Day where according to legend if a groundhog emerges from their den and sees their shadow – expect six more weeks of winter. If not, expect an early spring.

Although Punxsutawney Phil is the most famous groundhog (and the only married one – his wife’s name is Phyllis), there are several others: Staten Island Chuck (“Hey, you talk’n to me?”), General Beauregard Lee (“Pay no never mind to me”), and the Canadian groundhogs: Shudenacadie Sam, Balzac Billie and Wiarton Willie (“Wow, cold eh? – Let’s go to Timmys”).

The Groundhog Day ceremony in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania is bizarre as it gets. Phil emerges from his lair on Gobbler’s Knob and “talks” to the Groundhog Club President in a secret language called “Groundhogese” (I kid you not). The President in turn translates his proclamation to the rest of the free world.  According to scientists Phil is correct only 37% of the time – which some would say is about the same accuracy as the long-range weather forecasts from trained, intelligent meteorologists.  This leads me to wonder if the shadow rule should be switched around (when there is a shadow, and early spring is forecast, not a late one) in which case he would be correct 63% percent of the time.

Not to be outdone, because there is no Victoria groundhog, on Saturday I will take an old stuffed teddy bear outside and hold it up to see if there is a shadow.  You can try this yourself – a real groundhog or any rodent will be better than a teddy bear, but it probably won’t make any difference.

Now speaking of spring, this weekend is shaping up give us a hint of what is to come due to a high pressure ridge then sitting over the region till Sunday.   Here are the weekend details:

Friday: Some cloud with lots of hazy sun.  Winds light.  Highs of 7 C.

Saturday: Hazy sun all day.  A steady breeze with highs of 8 C.

Sunday: Mostly cloudy with sunny breaks.  Expect rain by evening.  A bit cooler with highs of 6 C.

Incidentally, the long-range outlook using advanced scientific models for the spring (March, April, May) show a bias toward cooler than normal temperatures – which means spring could be later this year.  However, before you jump to conclusions, let’s see what happens on Saturday when my teddy bear emerges.

weatherwit.

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The Five Best Toys

Now that the commercialized part of Christmas is over, I was wondering what kids really want in toys.   The answer came in a Wired article where the author (J. Liu) listed his 5 Best Toys of All Time based on budget, availability, history, age applicability and kid approval.  Did books or gadgets or dolls or software make the list?  Nope, but these did:

sticks

boxes

string

cardboard tubes

dirt

We don’t have to think too hard to realize how much fun playing we had with each of these – and probably still do.  It is probably why I enjoy golfing – there are sticks (clubs), cardboard tubes (club bag), boxes (tee boxes) and lots of dirt (sand traps and divots).

So what’s the dirt on the weather this weekend?  The large upper level ridge that has waltzed just off the coast all week will do a 2-step and move over us, bringing us brighter skies and quiet conditions. Although cool at the ground, there is warm air above resulting in an “inversion” – which means any fog/low cloud will hang near the ground .  FYI the high altitude balloon flight over the Olympic Peninsula this afternoon measured a temperature of 13 C at about 700 m above us – so who needs to head south for some warmth – just go up a few hundred meters.

Expect the upper ridge to stay over us through Sunday so it looks like a pleasant weekend.  Here are the details:

 Friday: Clear and sunny in the a.m. unless there is fog/low cloud obscuring things due to the  inversion.  Thin cloud moving over around noonish, so expect hazy periods in the p.m. Winds light with highs of 8 C.

Saturday: A mix of clear and cloudy bits and haze and again,  we may be in for some fog and low cloud due to the inversion – but hopefully the skies should stay bright through the day. Winds light with highs of 8 C.

 Sunday: Same as Saturday.

This weekend, I’m playing golf.

weatherwit

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Ho, Ho, Ho?

I’ve missed the last two weeks of forecasts (if anybody noticed) – seems that the pre-Christmas rush hit my desk, phone, calendar and inbox as well.

December reminds me of the time when I borrowed a friends Santa Claus suit (complete with wig and beard) – with the noble intent of wandering the streets to bring joy to our neighbourhood on Christmas morning.  The suit was huge, so I stuffed it full of pillows and blankets and cinched everything up with the big, wide shiny belt to give a more Santa-ish appearance.

After a few steps out the door I began to sweat profusely, and after a few more steps my springy Santa gait had turned to a duck waddle, the wig and hat had slipped over my eyes, and everything including the belt had sagged southward in a severe way.   I imagined somebody looking out their living room window and saying:  “Look dear, there is an odd unidentified Smurf wandering our streets”

Yes there was much joy (in the form of laughter) in our neighbourhood that morning.

So what gifts will the weather bring us this weekend?

Friday: Cloudy but of the thinner variety, so the skies should be brighter than the dull grey we’ve experienced the last few days. Expect an occasional sprinkle and a bit of a breeze. Highs of 8 C.

Saturday: Thin cloud through the day with a watery sun pushing through, then clearing overnight. Winds light with highs of 7 C.

Sunday: Rain starting mid-morning and continuing through the day. Windy with highs of 6 C.

This weekend…I’m bringing more joy to the world.

weatherwit

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